Kudos to my lola!!!

a lot of my relatives probablly think that i'm kinda insensitive...
even when my officemat heard what wappened... he asked me:
"'Bat nde ka malungko??""
i just answered
"Anong gusto mong gawin ko dito mag-nga-ngawa..."
'coz my granny died and i don't even attended her funeral..
all i could reason-out was that it's our Go-Live i can't leave the office..
it' teh crusial week of our project..
they just don't get it...
and i'm the type of person that was impatient..
or just tired of explaining stuff to people that i think in the first place won't understand a bit of what i say..........................

it's just that nobody really understands on how i really feel during that time....
lemme give you the scenario....

she's the only family i had in here (this freaking country)..
since my parents and siblings were all in NY...
she took care of me almost since birth....
she died the day after i spent my b-day (Dec. 26 to be exact) ...
she died when i was in the office.. YES i'm working on Dec 26!!! what do you expect!!!!....

during that time i wanna cried...............
though i'm not that f*cking showy on my attitude...
all i just did was slept... *you'll probablly saying to yourself.. "oh YEAH!!! ur freaking insensitive..."
i think nobofy knew that my dearest granny just died..
if tehy just look at my actions..
i just don't wanna look pitifull in front of my officemates, even my friends...
it's a personal matter...
i won't bring out.. 'coz i know it's a mood killer big time!!..
everyone will just feel sad...
and i don't want that to happen...
i hope i could act just like one of my cube-mates..
"if i want to cry.. i'll cry i don't care if you found me corny..
if i feel sad i bring it out of my chest.."
even just once.. i'm sure it'll remove this cloudy mist out of my chest.........

i remember during her funeral..
when i want to go home...
all i could think off.. is that..
hope she could understand my condition..
that i couldn't just leave this work in a snap.....

Thanks for everything Lola!!! *sniff*