Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Joke 3

Man said to God --- Why did you make women so beautiful?
God said to man --- So that you will love them.
Man said to God --- But why did you make them so dumb?
God said to man --- So that they will love you.

************************

Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish samurai. "Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.

The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box and released a fly. He drew his katana and swish, the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two. "What a feat!" said the Emperor. "Samurai Number Two, show me what you do."

The Chinese samurai bowed, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his katana and swish, swish, the fly fell to the floor neatly quartered. "That is skill!" nodded the Emperor. "How are you going to top that, Samurai Number Three?"

The Jewish samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, releasing one fly, drew his katana and swoooooosh, flourished his katana so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around! In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly isn't even dead." "Dead, schmead," replied the Jewish samurai.
"Dead is easy. Circumcision . . . that takes skill!"

********************************

A Husband and wife are getting ready for bed.
The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself.
"You know love" she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman.
My face is all wrinkled,
my boobs are barely above my waist,
my bum is hanging out a mile.
I've got fat legs and my arms are all flabby"
She turns to her husband and says.....
"Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself"
He thinks about it for a bit and then says in a soft voice........
"well......there's nothing wrong with your eyesight".

*********************************

A woman three months pregnant falls into a deep coma.
Six months later, she awakes and asks the nearest doctor about the fate of her baby.
"You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine," says the doctor.
"Luckily, your brother named them for you."
"Oh shit, not by brother! He's an idiot!
What did he call the girl?" "Denise," the doctor replies.
Thinking that isn't so bad, she asks,
"And what did he call the boy?"
The doctor answers, "Denephew." ...... nice :)

****************************

Saddam Hussein dies and goes to hell.
The devil eagerly awaiting, welcomes Saddam.
"Why hello Saddam. I've been expecting you!
Let me take you on a small tour of hell.
After the tour, because you were a freakin' terrorist on Earth,
I will allow you to choose your destiny in hell.
And don't worry, it won't be as bad as usual
punishment is since you've served evil during your life."
The devil shows Saddam all the realms of hell.
"Now", says the devil, "I will show you 2 of your possible destinies.
"2???!!" replies Saddam.
"I thought you said I may pick my destiny?!"
The devil replies, "Where the HELL do you think you are??????
Anyway Saddam, here are you two choices...."

The devil shows Saddam a room with Hitler in it chained to a wall,
getting whipping and burned.
Saddam tells the devil, "Oh, I don't think I could handle that.
My skin is too sensitive for being whipped and burned." "OK" says the devil.

Next the devil shows Saddam the other room.
In it is Bill Clinton chained to the floor, and on top of him is Monica Lewinski giving him a head job. Saddam eagerly jumped at this opportunity saying
"I'll take this a my eternal punishment!!!!"
The devil smiled and said
"Ok Saddam, it's now your fate for eternity! Monica, you can leave now!"

*****************************

Bill Gates dies and goes to hell.
Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you.
This will be your home for all eternity.
You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life.
Now, since you've got me in a good mood,
I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.

" Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured.

He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions.

Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a Beautiful young blonde with an alluring look on her face, sitting at a table on which there is a bottle of the finest wine.
To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner.
Without hesitation, Bill says, "I'll take this option."
"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room.
Satan locks the room after Bill.
As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.
"That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer.
"Why did you give him the best place of all!"
"That's what everyone thinks," snickered Satan.
"The bottle has a hole in it and the girl hasn't..."
"What about the PC?" "It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan.
"And it's missing three keys." "Which three?" "Control, Alt and Delete."

*********************************

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool,
Mary suddenly jumped into the deep end.
She sunk to the bottom and stayed there.
Jim promptly jumped in to save her.
He swam to the bottom and pulled Mary out.
When the medical director became aware of Jim's heroic act
he immediately ordered him to be discharged from the hospital,
as he now considered him to be mentally stable.
When he went to tell Jim the news he said,
"Jim, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged
because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient,
I think you've regained your senses.
The bad news is, Mary, the patient you saved,
hung herself with her dressing gown belt in the bathroom.
I am so sorry, but she's dead."
Jim replied, "She didn't hang herself. I put her there to dry." .... LOL

***********************

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says,
"We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them,
the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says,
"Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing.
With him is another extremely ugly man.
He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks,
but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on . very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

**************************

this joke had a lot of versions but it always gave me a good laugh.....

3 guys were stuck on an island having been captured by a bunch of cannibals.
The cannibals were about and ready to have them for lunch.
The cannibals ask the 3 if they had any last requests before dying and being eaten.
The 3 guys requested to be given a chance into being let go.
The head chief cannibal says, "Fair enough.
But you must follow the rules in which we set for you.
If you successfully pass our test, you will be let go."
The 3 men agreed to the chief's generous offer and awaited for the instructions.
The chief instructs, "Each of you must go out and gather 10 of the same type of fruits.
You may pick whatever fruit you wish, but you must come back within 10 minutes and await further instructions, or you will be instantly killed!"
So the 3 men go out and gather their 10 fruits of choice.

The first guy comes back with 10 apples.
"Chief. I've gone and gathered my 10 fruits and came back as you've instructed."
The chief replies, "Good, good! Now, for your task....
You must shove those 10 apples up your asshole WITHOUT making ANY noise or gestures!
If you can complete this task successfully, you will be set free."
The first guy begins shoving those apples up his hole.
1,2,3,4.... and after the 5th one, he yelped in pain.
He was instantly killed.

The second guy comes back with 10 little blackberries.
"Chief, I've returned with my fruits of choice.
What happened to the first guy?"
The chief replied, "He failed.
Now you must complete the task which I've set."
The chief explains it and then the second guy figures that it'd be no problem because it was only these small blackberries which he had to shove up his ass.
So he went.... 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 and on the 9th berry, he suddenly burst out into laughter and was immediatley killed.

In heaven, the first guy asked the second guy what happened.
"I thought you were going to get away with it.
Why'd you laugh? Did it tickle?"
The second guy replied, "No it didn't tickle!
It was all going so good until I seen the third guy running back with 10 pineapples"


**************************

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met.
After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding.
Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve,
this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road,
when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress.
Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys.
Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas,
the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle.
Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.
Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated
and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.

Only one of them survived the accident.
Question: Who was the survivor?
.
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Answer:
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place.
Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.

**** Women stop reading here, this is the end of the joke.
**** Men keep scrolling.
.
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.
.
.
.
.
.

So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus,
the woman must have been driving.
This explains why there was a car accident.
****Men Keep scrolling
.
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.
By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading,
this illustrates another point: Women never listen.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Funny pics 1

time to post some pics i scrapped from the web....

i'm a huge fan of race queens....
this hawt chix bring the excitement in the car shows...
but the kid seems to ignore those excitements..
Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

I found Nemo!!..
hope he tastes good..
Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

poor neko-ko-neko
Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Smile!! ur on candid camera!!
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this kids got too much testosterone in their body...
Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

ohhhh!!! isn't sweet on how your teamates
care for you...
they even scratch your balls...
Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Guess the coach loves you more...
Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

damn!! it hurts!!
Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

i don't if someone had the balls..
to disregard this warning..
Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

poor kid
Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Holy Week Boring.........

Wednesday:
The most anticipated day of the week..
‘coz we’ve been asked to work during the holy week….
Which is a holiday in here…
Oh yeah!! It’s Thursday and Friday…
My manager told us if the task for the holiday..
Didn’t arrive within this day…
Then we’re one lucky piece of crap hahaha!!!....
Then we got lucky…

Thursday:
Time to treasure the weekend…
Slept around 5 am…..
Woke up around 12 pm…
Surf some channels damn!!
The shows are crap!!...
Can’t go to the malls…
Since it’s a holiday …
You can be sure that they are close..
So I was stuck in my room..
Watching DVDs..
From Akira Kurosawa movies..
To Stephen Chow’s Kung Fu Hustle….
Been doing this throughout the day….

Friday:
Had enough of my dvds ….
Time to surf the net….
Been downloading some online games…
And the game Zuma got me hooked…
But not as worst as my bro..
I saw him played it for almost 5-6 hrs….
That’s what you call pretty damn bored….

Saturday:
My neighbors decided to went to Batanggas..
For some beach tripping…
I’ve decided not to go…
So left alone at home together with my granny…….
Spent the day watching Trick…
A one good series…
Since I’m a sucker for detective/investigative…
Type of shows…
It really got me hooked..
The characters punch lines…
Remove the seriousness on the series…
Gotta give it to Yukie Nakama and Abe Horoshi..
Planning to get my hands on Trick 2 and 3…..

Sunday:
Bad news: Last day of the long rest from work…
Good news: the mall is opened, local channels start playing regular shows…
You can probably guessed what I did this day..
Surf the channels throughout the day…
Watching from…
Toy Story 1 from Disney Channel to…
Meet The Parents from the local channel..

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

joke...joke....joke part 2

taken from the same site.....
here's the 2nd batch...
not as funny as the first..
but it might tickle ur funny bone...

A bus full of ugly people die in a wreck, so they all leave their bodies and go to heaven. As they stand in line to enter Heaven, God decides to grant each of them one wish because he felt sorry for them for being so ugly all their lives.

SO the first person says "I want to be beautiful."
SO God made it happen. The second person says the same thing, so God grants that too.

THis continues throughout the whole line. Each person wishes to be made beautiful, and God grants it. Then God notices a guy at the end of the line that is laughing like a maniac. As each person turn to be pretty, he keeps laughing, and he laughs harder and harder each time.

When that man finally gets to the front of the line, God asks him what his wish is. The man, still laughing, looks up to God and says, " I wish they were all ugly again"

**********************

Is God black or white?

A confused nine year old boy goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God male or female?" After thinking a moment, his mother responds, Well, God is both male and female."

This confuses the little boy so he asks, "Is God black or white?" "Well, God is both black and white." This further confuses the boy so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?" At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers anyway, "Honey, God is both gay and straight." At this, the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks, "Is God Michael Jackson?"

***********************

The Geography of a Woman

Between the ages of 18-21 a woman is like Africa or Australia.
She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas.

Between the ages of 21-30 a woman is like America or Japan.
Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.

Between the ages of 30-35, she is like India or Spain.
Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between the ages of 40-50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq.
She has lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes.
Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between the ages of 50-60 she is like Russia or Canada.
Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.

Between the ages of 60-70 a woman is like England or Mongolia.
With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future. After 70, women become Albania or Afghanistan.
Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

The Geography of a Man

Between the ages of 15-70 a man is like Zimbabwe ­ruled by a dikk.

******************

Guidelines on men....

The nice men are ugly.

The handsome men are not nice.

The handsome and nice men are gay.

The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.

The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.

The handsome men without money are after our money.

The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.

The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.

The men, who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money, and thank God are heterosexual, are shy, and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!

The men, who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

Who understands men? Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's a woman's job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.

*****************

What Women do that Men Never Do

1. Use a wash cloth in the shower
2. Talk baby talk to a pet
3. Ask, “What are you thinking?”
4. Insist on the toilet seat being down
5. Order a Salad at McDonald’s
6. Sleep in a double bed even if she’s single and unattached
7. Collect dried, useless flowers and call it “potpourri.”
8. Fantasize about jewelry or chocolate
9. Fantasize about being married and having kids
10. Reject men, but keep them around just in case and say “But can we just be friends?”

What Men do that Women Never Do

1. Pee in the shower
2. Brag about a new lawnmower
3. Say “pull my finger” and fart
4. Read the paper on the toilet
5. Loosen his belt after a meal
6. Carry a ton of loose change in the front pocket
7. Say in bed “Don’t worry this won’t hurt.”
8. Fix cars as a hobby
9. Use the floor as extra shelf space
10. Fantasize about dating women young enough to be their own kids
11. Fantasize about making it with two women who do each other

Friday, March 18, 2005

song of the week

i just realized...
that ive been playing this song...
almost 3x a day...
it's She Hates Me by Puddle of Mad

Met a girl, thought she was grand
Fell in love found out first hand
Went well for a week or two
Then it all came unglued

In a trapp trip I can't grip never thought
I'd be the one who'd slip then
I started to realize
I was living one big lie

[Chorus]
She fucking hates me.......... trust
she fucking hates me.......... la la la love
I tried too hard and she tore my feelings like
I had none and ripped them away
[Chorus]

She was queen for about an hour
After that shit got sour
She took all I ever had
No sign of guilt no feeling of bad

In a trapp trip I can't grip never thought
I'd be the one who'd slip then
I started to realize
I was living one big lie

[Chorus]
That's my story, as you see
Learned my lesson and so did she
Now it's over and i'm glad
'Cause I'm a fool for all I've said
[Chorus]

Trust la la la la la la la la la love
Trust She fucking hates me

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Layout crap!

When i first turned this site...
into a sentai theme..
somwhere on the first week of March...
Message came flowing into...
saying my blog is crap....
bioman is gay...
it's pretty hard to read through my text..
it ates a lot of bandwidth...

so ive decided to bring out my original layout..........
so don't try to tell me that it's hard to read my stuff...
'coz if your that eager to read 'em....
all you need to do is to highlight and read 'em.........

random stuff..........
http://www.jdorama.com was hacked

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Joke..Joke...Joke

Damn!!! too bored right now
scrap some webby to entertain myself....
time to show some jokes i really like..
kudos to JDorama

************************************
CLASS TIME The class was very noisy just now because there
wasn't any teacher, but now everyone suddenly
turned quiet. That is because the fiercest teacher
in the school had entered the class. Her face is
as fierce as a lion which will bite anyone's head
off if offended... And if you wanna know more....
follow the lesson.

Students: Good morning, teacher.
Teacher : (shouting) Why is it only good morning? What about afternoon and night?
Students: Good morning, afternoon and night teacher!
Teacher : That is unacceptable! It is too long. Just wish me best regards for my whole day! That is much better as it is easier and full of meaning. And that greeting can also be used for all times.
Students: Best regards teacher!
Teacher : That's better, sit down! Listen today I,m going to test you all on words that have the opposite meaning. When I say a sentence or word, all of you must answer quickly the opposite meaning to the words, understand?
Students: Understood teacher!
Teacher : I do not want any disturbance!
Students: (silence)
Teacher : Clever!
Students: Stupid!
Teacher : High!
Students: Low!
Teacher : Popular!
Students: Calafare!
Teacher : Wrong!
Students: Correct!
Teacher : Stupid!
Students: Clever!
Teacher : No!
Students: Yes!
Teacher : Oh God!
Students: Oh Slave!
Teacher : Listen to this!
Students: Listen to that!
Teacher : Quiet!
Students: Noisy!
Teacher : That's not a question, stupid!
Students: This is an answer, clever!
Teacher : I'm dead!
Students: We're alive!
Teacher : I'm lazy to teach!
Students: We are hardworking to learn!
Teacher : Enough! Enough!
Students: More! More!
Teacher : Stop! Stop!
Students: Start! Start!
Teacher : Why are you people so stupid?!
Students: Because I am someone clever!
Teacher : Lack manners!
Students: Taught enough!
Teacher : O.K. Lesson has ended!
Students: K.O. Lesson has not started!
Teacher : Enough, stupid!
Students: Not yet, clever!
Teacher : Stand up!
Students: Sit down!
Teacher : I said CALAFARE was wrong!
Students: We said POPULAR was correct!
Teacher : You people are dumb!
Students: We are gifted!
Teacher : All of you must stay back this afternoon!
Students: Released tonight!
Teacher : (Keep quiet, gather her books and went out)
**********************************

"Women's English"
Yes = No.
No = Yes.
Maybe = No.
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry...
We need = I want.
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what ever you want = You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain.
Sure go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave, and you sweat a lot.
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate.
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead,
AND.........

"Men's English"

I'm hungry = I'm hungry.
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy.
I'm tired = I'm tired.
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage! You look tense,
let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you.
What's wrong? = What stupid self inflicted psychological trauma is it now?
What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question?
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
I love you = Let's have sex now!
I love you, too = Okay, I said it. Now can we have sex?
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before.
Let's talk = I'll impress you by showing you I am a deep guy. then maybe sex?
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with others.
I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together = I'm gay.

******************************


A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade.
My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter
than she is I think I should be in the third grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained
to the principal what the situation was.

The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test.
If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back
to the first grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal
thought a third grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her,
"I think Harry can go to the third grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal,
"Let me ask him some questions."
The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks : "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry: after a moment, "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered, why would she ask such a question!

Harry : "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Ms. Brooks: "What's starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy,
oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"
Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes
out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he
could stop the answer was given.

Harry: Bubble gum.
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up,
a woman do sitting down and dog do on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K'
that means a lot of heat and excitement?
Harry: "Firetruck"

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,
"Put Harry in the fifth grade, I got the last 7 questions wrong.

********************************

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the
road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and
crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg.

The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he
stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and
immediately said, "Father, remember Psalm 129."

The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced
himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from
her leg.

Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg
again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129."

Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry, Sister, but the flesh
is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him meaningful
glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest
rushed to retrieve a Bible and looked up Psalm 129. It said, "Go
forth and seek; further up, you will find glory."


Moral of the story: Always be well informed in your job, or you
may miss a great opportunity.

Monday, March 14, 2005

Pacquiao vs. Morales

Step.. right up....
Common pick your fave...
IMHO as a filipino...
Pacquiao will bring home the bacons....

Two months into 2005, and already a “Fight of the Year” candidate has emerged – at least on paper. Can ERIK MORALES, a world champion in three different

weight divisions, return to the winner’s circle for the 48th time in his 50-fight professional career or will he be stopped cold by the secret weapon MANNY

PACQUIAO and trainer Freddie Roach have devised for “El Terrible” – the dreaded “Manila Ice?” One thing is for sure, the winner of this mega fight will see

his stock soar to the top of the mythical Pound-for-Pound list.

Here are the results of the media exit poll:

“Seeing the way Pacquiao destroyed Marco Antonio Barrera, and dropped Juan Manuel Marquez before fighting him to a draw, I just can't go against the

Filipino. Morales is tough enough that he will go the full 12, but Pacquiao should win a comfortable decision.”Armando Alvarez, MaxBoxing.com

"I'm taking Morales by decision. You can't count out Pacquiao's chances because of his big punch, but I think Morales can outbox him."Carlos Arias, Orange County Register

“I will pick Morales to win by decision -- after they blast each other around pretty good. That is if Morales boxes a little more -- if he slugs it out

completely, I might lean toward the Pac Man -but I will say Morales by decision.”Al Bernstein, 1988 BWAA Broadcast Journalist of the Year

“I like Morales. He is a good boxer with a great right hand and I believe he is better on the inside than Pacquiao.”Dan Birmingham, 2004 BWAA “Trainer of the Year”

“The Pac Man by TKO 9. He is hungrier, and has Freddie Roach in his corner.”Teddy Blackburn, The Fist (Australia)

“Five years ago, this would have been a different story. But in 2005, Manny puts Erik on his fanny. Pacquiao in seven."Ted Bodenrader, The Ring

“I like Pacquiao by decision. Morales is strong and will do some damage but he still gets hit too much and Pacquiao will be there to hit him.”Ron Borges, Boston Globe

“Erik Morales has been a very good fighter. However, his last three-four fights have been very hard, therefore, he's been wearing out. Now it's Pacquiao’s

time and because of his speed and punching power, he should knockout Morales in no more than eight rounds.”Oscar Borras, 20 de Mayo

“Morales...I was in a minority of one ...thought he shaded Barrera last time up. Only worry is that he has not allowed himself enough recuperation, accepting

this job at least a month too early. Still take him to confirm his worth.”Freddie Burcombe, News of the World (London)

“This really is a pick 'em contest. Morales looked strangely lethargic in his rubber match with Barrera, which doesn't bode well against the fast hands and

accurate punches of the thrill-a-minute Pacquiao. But I don't believe we are witnessing a decline in the skills of 'El Terrible', Barrera simply has Morales'

number. Pacquiao to start fast, but Morales to use his considerable experience to eke out a close, maybe unpopular, decision with a late rally.”Mark G. Butcher, SecondsOut.com

“If Erik Morales doesn’t let his “machismo” take over and get into a slugfest with Manny Pacquiao early on … I think he has the skills to beat the Filipino

champion. Morales definitely has something to prove and will come into the bout knowing he can’t afford another loss if he wants yet –another—shot at Marco

Antonio Barrera. And,of course … Pacquiao will come out aggressive and gunning. But, I think at this point in his career, Morales has more to lose with a

loss than Pacquiao. Morales realizes that, so …. He will be prepared, and prevail …in 12 rounds.”Paul Cicala, KTNV-TV (ABC Las Vegas)

“Pick 'em all the way. At even money, a threadbare edge to Morales. If there's a flood of money either way on fight night, take the value with whomever

becomes the underdog and root along with the house. The only shock here is if this one doesn't have the fans jumping out of their seats from bell to bell.”Dave “The Thermometer” Cokin, ESPN Radio-Las Vegas

“Morales withstands a load of punishment and wears Pac-Man down, putting him on the canvas in the 10th and eking out a split decision victory rife with

controversy.”John Cotey, St. Petersburg Times

“I like Pacquiao by decision in an all-action fight.”Tim Dahlberg, Associated Press & Author of Fight Town

“Pacquiao makes Marco Antonio Barrera look as though he's punching under water, and we saw how Barrera handled Morales last time. Pacman's too fast and too

sharp a hitter for Morales, and he'll win by clear decision, if not late stoppage. Pacquiao by W 12.” Bill Dettloff, The Ring

“Pacquiao, TKO 10, in what should be one of the most exciting bouts of the year!”George Diaz, Orlando Sentinel

“Morales by decision, unless he catches Pacquiao with a left hook followed by a straight right, which will result in a “good night” for Pacquiao. However, if

Pacquiao puts a lot of pressure on Morales, Pacquiao could be the winner. Nonetheless, I see a different Morales coming to the fight after the loss to

Barrera. Morales by decision.”José Duarte, PuroBoxeo.com

“I can’t see Pacquiao stopping Morales but I think his speed of attack may very well earn him a close decision after 12 entertaining rounds.”Ant Evans, SecondsOut.com

“Talk about a hard fight to call! Morales brings so much poise and big fight experience as well as the heart and skill of a champion. Pacquiao, on the other

hand, is just non-stop energy and is relentless with his assault. If Morales doesn’t find a way to stop him early, Pacquiao will wear him down and maybe even

knock him out in the ninth or tenth round. Either way, I’m going with Pac Man.Dennis Evans, KTNV-TV (ABC Las Vegas)

“I like Morales because he's bigger and there's no reason to think he can't take Manny's monster shots. Remember, after a disastrous start, JM Marquez did

very well against Pacquiao. Morales is as tough as anybody in the game. Mexico on points.”Steve Farhood, 2002 BWAA Broadcast Journalist of the Year

“Pacquiao TKO 10 in another great two-way slugfest.”Bernard Fernandez, Daily News (Philadelphia)

“Pacquiao could have an advantage with his hand speed and his southpaw style, which might bother Morales. So why is there a strange whispering in my ear

telling me Morales wins? He's taller than Pacquiao and he's been fighting at a heavier weight than Pacquiao, though only by a few pounds. This is a tough

pick and I don't see either fighter quitting, but I'm picking Morales by close decision.”Rick Folstad, TheSweetScience.com

“Pacquiao wins by sixth-round TKO. Morales' lack of quickness got him beatagainst Barrera. If he doesn’t land a KO blow within the first two rounds,it'll destroy him against Pacquiao.”Norm Frauenheim, The Arizona Republic

“Pacquiao (10th Round Stoppage) - The ring battles he's been in may have finally caught up with Morales. If they have, Pacquiao is the man to take full

advantage, but it will be a thriller while it lasts.”Scott Fyfe, Sunday Post (Scotland)

“I continue to resist the temptation to jump on the band wagon and will go with "El Terrible" Erik Morales. He has displayed a willingness to fight the

difficult fighters throughout his career and will be up to the challenge of facing the ever aggressive Pac-Man. Morales by a split decision.”Ron “G-man” Gerrard, American Urban Radio Networks

“Two devastating punchers often go the distance against each other. So why make it complicated? They're both devastating punchers and terrific fighters,so

the edge goes to the bigger terrific fighter. Morales by decision.”Ivan Goldman, The Ring / KO Magazines

“Regardless of his last bout with Marco Antonio Barrera, where he lost by decision, I believe Erik Morales still has the strengths to win against Manny

Pacquiao. The only doubt that I have is if it will be by KO. Morales has not knocked out a ‘big name’ since he was a featherweight.”Ramiro González, La Opinión

“Pacquiao by late KO. Manny throws many many punches and Morales catches too many punches. I think Morales, although one of the best that have ever fought,

might have seen his best days.”Butch Gottlieb, BoxinginLasVegas.com

“While Morales has tremendous boxing skills, the speed, power and rugged aggression of Pacquiao will make the difference. Both men are true warriors, but

expect trainer Freddie Roach to have his fighter peaking at the right time. Pacquiao TKO 10.”Jeff Haney, Las Vegas Sun

“Morales is probably still spitting feathers after losing to Barrera No doubt, he will be anxious to reassert himself as one of the best fighters in the

world. Pacquiao will find Morales too big and strong for him and I take Erik to win by decision.”Colin Hart, The Sun (London)

“I will have to go with Morales weathering the early storm and winning by decision in a terrific fight. I think Morales' chin gets him through. I also could

see Pacqiao getting frustrated in this fight.”Jay Heater, Contra Costa Times

“Manny is skillful and in my opinion one of the hardest hitters in the featherweight division. Erik is no push over, but I'll give the slight edge to Manny

for the simple fact of his power along with his speed. He can hit you fast and hit you hard, and I think that will add up against Morales. I'll go out on a

limb and say Pac Man by 10th round TKO.”Benny Henderson, Jr., DoghouseBoxing.com

“Pacquiao KOs Morales in a stunner. Morales has been in one too many battles. Manny will do the same to Morales as he did to Barrera.”JD Hernandez, World Wide Boxing

“Pacquiao is the faster man and the more explosive puncher, but Morales is the steadier of the two. He will be able to withstand Pacquiao's bursts of punches

and outwork him to win a close decision.”Jack Hirsch, Ring Sports Magazine

“I think Pacquiao has the combination of speed and power that will give Morales problems similar to those of Barrera vs. Pacquiao. Morales' chances improve

if he gets Pacquiao deep into the fight, but I think most scenarios favor Pacquiao. My pick is Pacquiao TKO 9.”Michael Hirsley, Chicago Tribune

“Morales, who is too tough for a one-dimensional lefty, by decision.”Richard Hoffer, Sports Illustrated

“Unlike Barrera, Morales won't be taken by surprise by the Pac-Man's hell-bent-for-leather southpaw attack and will most likely watch tape on how Juan Manuel

Marquez was able to eventually expose Pacquiao as a mostly one-dimensional slugger. No doubt about it, Pacquiao will force the fight and he is dangerous.

But, as a natural flyweight, Pacquiao carries most of his weight in his legs and the more versatile Morales will have a size and height advantage to go with

a flexible game plan. If Morales lets machismo overrule prudence, there will be a mushroom cloud in the ring. But I expect 'El Terrible' to turn into "El

Inteligente" and take a smart, pretty exciting 12-round win over Pacquiao.”Mike Houser, Nevada Appeal

“Morales will be a junior welter by the time the two men step into the ring but despite this major weight advantage over a natural featherweight I think

Pacquiao's speed and athleticism will make the difference ... Pacquiao by decision.”Graham Houston, Boxing Monthly

“Pacquiao by unanimous decision. Morales has a huge heart and a great chin, but Pacquiao's pressure should help him overcome Morales' size advantage at 130

pounds. Plus, Pacquiao and Barrera back-to-back, within a four-month span no less, might make Morales wear down late in what should be a close fight.”Keith Idec, Herald News (New Jersey)

“Morales by decision. I've really struggled with the decisionand consulted with experts such as world famous sports writer Jack Welsh. In the end, it's just

a guess.”Kevin Iole, Las Vegas Review-Journal

“Pacquiao by decision.”Jim Jenkins, Sacramento Bee

“Manny Pacquiao showed everyone what he was made against Barrera and Marquez, but now he's stepping up to 130 pounds, Morales' turf. Morales is too strong

and crafty a boxer and won't come into this match as flat as Barrera was against Pacquiao. There will be a lot of fireworks in this bout, and only one man

will be left standing at the end: Morales, after an ninth-round TKO.”Michael Katz, The Detroit News

“Pacquiao, probably in nine hellacious rounds.”Mike Katz, MaxBoxing.com

“Morales by unanimous decision over Pacquiao”.Patrick Kehoe, SecondsOut.Com

“Pac Man by decision. I like his speed and quickness to win this bout.”Steve Kim, MaxBoxing.Com

“Pac Man by decision.”George Kimball, Boston Herald

“Pacquiao KO11. Pac-Man is way too strong for Morales. Just look at his legs!!!! And he's got Freddie Roach in the corner.”Pat Knighton, ESPN

“Morales by decision”Doug Krikorian, Press-Telegram (Long Beach, CA)

“Manny by KO 7.”Jeff Lacy, undefeated IBF Super Middleweight Champion

“Manny by majority decision.”Franz Lidz, Sports Illustrated

“Morales by KO 7. While the energy and power of Manny Pacquiao cannot be denied, what will happen when he faces Morales who is well nestled into the junior

lightweight division and really should be fighting as a lightweight? Morales has faced the better competition and needs to rebound after a second loss to

Barrera. Don't bury Tijuana's favorite pugilistic son and look for him to knock-out Pacquiao in the seventh.”Ricardo Lois, Boxeomundial.com

“Pacquiao by decision. No way El Terrible can handle Manila Ice. ”Thom Loverro, The Washington Times

“I am going to go with Erik Morales by a unanimous decision. Due to his big fight experience and the fact that a second loss in a row would be devastating,

Morales will find a way to win. I'm not taking anything away from Manny Pacquiao but the Juan Manuel Marquez fight did leave me wondering and Morales is a huge step up.”Ed Ludwig, BraggingRightsCorner.com

“I gotta go with Manny Pacquiao. I like his speed, toughness and tenacity. Plus, he is from The Philippines. I like any Filipino to win.”Chris Maathuis, KLAS-TV (Las Vegas CBS)

“Pacquaio-Morales is a tough one to pick. I see this as a slugfest with both men having their moments, and lots of them. I picture both fighters hurt, and

free-flowing blood. In fact, hide the women and children. At the end of 12 brutal rounds, Erik Morales will have his hand raised with a unanimous decision

victory.”Rich Marotta, TV Boxing Analyst / KFI & XTRA Sports Radio (LA)

“Erik Morales in another close decision. This fight will truly be a war. However, there's one factor we must take into consideration; Erik Morales seemingly

takes two rounds before he gets into the fight and that could spell disaster for him against a fighter like Manny Pacquiao, who starts throwing punches from

the dressing room.”Efrain Martinez, KINC-TV (Las Vegas Univision)

“Pacquiao has become the poster boy for fearless punching. But you have to wonder if he understands the pressure Morales is constantly under. When Pacquiao

could not finish Marquez, it fueled speculation about strength. Morales will definitely not go away. Morales on a decision.”Joe Maxse, The Plain Dealer (Cleveland)

“Pacquiao in 11. With each move upward, Pacquiao's power has followed. On the other hand, Morales' power peaked at 126.”Franklin McNeil, Star-Ledger (Newark)

“Morales will win by decision.”Gunnar Meinhardt, German Press Agency

“Manny wins. Morales needs a rest, and the Pac-man is the wrong guy to take on after what Morales has been through his last few fights!”Larry Michael, WestwoodOne Radio /Ballroom Boxing

“This is one of the most evenly matched big bouts in recent memory. Usually with almost every fight, I have some idea who will win (even if I’m wrong).

However, this one has me perplexed. Only because I’ve been “boxed” into a corner, I’ll go with Morales by decision.”Bob Mladinich, Boxing Digest / The Fist

“Erik Morales via unanimous decision over Manny Pacquiao.”Robert Morales, Los Angeles Daily News Group

“So many variables and unknowns heading into this fight. Can Morales keep going to the well? Is he draining too much from his body to stay at 130 lbs?

Conversely, is Pacquiao going too far, too fast, fighting at 130 when not so very long ago he was a bantamweight? Both fighters are made for each other, in

that each man loves to fight face-first fighters, and both are face-first fighters -- although both have much better boxing skills than they are given credit

for. It'll be a tough, close, action fight, so close that I'm going to cheat and pick a draw.”Kieran Mulvaney, BoxinginLasVegas.com / TigerBoxing.com

“I think this will be Pacquiao-Barrera all over again, with Manny dominating en route to a late-round stoppage. Morales' skills have been deteriorating over

the past few fights, and Pacquiao will be much too fast for him.”Steve Nelson, Kuffler News Service

“Morales TKO 11 in a brawl.”Jorge Ortiz, San Francisco Chronicle

“Morales by decision.”Tony Paige, WFAN Radio (New York)

“I see Pacquiao drawing Morales into a war from the opening bell. Morales has a torrid first four rounds but then his boxing takes over and he stops Pacquiao

late in the fight (round 10 or 11). Accuracy and controlled pressure wins the day.”Graham Pearman, Boxing-central.com

“I like Pacquiao by decision. He's just too fast and aggresive while Morales has to show the effects of so many wars lately. Morales should always be

dangerous, though, especially as Pacquiao slows down in the last few rounds.”Jorge Pérez, El Nuevo Día (San Juan, Puerto Rico)

“Pacquiao late TKO victory, possibly stopped because of a cut.”Santos Perez, Miami Herald

“Morales for me.”Jeff Powell, Daily Mail (London)

“Morales in a career-defining dogfight, probably by late TKO. He has a great straight right hand and more one-punch power, which Barrera lacked to keep Pac

Man honest. I have no doubt that Morales will be hurt in this fight, but he's only been floored once in a career of tough fights and is naturally much

bigger. Pacquiao is a mini-Trinidad, but he runs into his Bernard Hopkins here against Morales”Jason Probst, MaxBoxing.com

“I have complete confidence that Pacquiao will win by decision.”Pat Putnam, Sports Illustrated Emeritus / thesweetscience.com

“Morales is bigger, stronger, tougher and has a better chin than Pacquiao. Those qualities will carry him through a close, sensational fight. He just better

watch out for that left hand. Morales W12.“Dan Rafael, ESPN.com

“Speed is not Morales' best asset, and world-class guys who have better hand speed than him--like Barrera--give him major problems. Pacquiao is probably the

fastest fighter Morales has ever faced, and I expect the Filipino to zip in those quick left hands all night long, ride out a few scary moments when Morales' strength and power come to the fore,

and capture a unanimous decision. Pacquiao W 12.”Eric Raskin, The Ring

“Pacquioa's power is his only weapon. In Morales you have solid offensive skills and good defensive movement. I see Morales hitting the canvas in the early

rounds but coming back to dominate the second-half of the fight. Morales W12 Pacquiao.John Raygoza, 15rounds.com

“Pacquiao has the speed and skill to defeat Morales. The later rounds will probably determine the fight, but I predict a TKO by Pac-Man.”Carlos Rivera, KCOX News-TV (Los Angeles)

“Morales, in a close one, going the distance.”Sharon Robb, Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel

“Viva Morales!”Mitch Roberts, KVBC-TV (NBC Las Vegas)

“Morales by unanimous decision. Pacquiao was exposed as limited in his bout against Juan Manuel Marquez. Morales is too good a boxer for him. Pacquiao's only

chance is a lucky punch or two.”Michael Rosenthal, San Diego Union-Tribune

“Morales on a late-round stoppage. I believe that he will weather his rival's early intensity and start picking his shots and being accurate down the

stretch.”Lem Satterfield, The Baltimore Sun

"Morales is such a lion, but I think I like Pacquiao in this by split decision."John Scheinman, Ballroom Boxing / The Washington Post

“Morales by decision.”Ed Schuyler, Jr., Associated Press Emeritus

“This will be a war and will go the distance but until I see Manny Pacquiao actually lose a real close fight to Morales, I'll take Pacquiao to win every

time. Manny will win a tough fight but by a unanimous decision.”Colonel Bob Sheridan, International Commentator

“After what he did to Barrera, can you ever doubt the Pac Man? Pacquiao 10th round TKO.”Tim Smith, Daily News (New York)

“Morales by decision.”Steve Springer, Los Angeles Times

“Manny completely outmanned and manhandled Marco Antonio Barrera when they fought in Nov. 2003. Erik Morales is in for some of the same. Pacquaio by

decision.”William Stickney, Houston Chronicle

“Pacquiao has some of the best power I've seen out of the lighter weights. He will win with a knockout inside of five rounds.”Rick Strasser, KVBC-TV (NBC Las Vegas)

“Love Pacquiao's vibrant style, but I think he's a bit too one dimensional.Morales's experience, a la his wars with MAB, have taught him much. I'll take

Morales via TKO in 8.”Tim Struby, ESPN The Magazine

“Morales (majority decision). After round 1 against Marquez, Pacquiao had his hands full for the remainder of their fight. Morales is coming off a tough

loss, and will have the pride factor kick in. I think both fighters will trade plenty of bombs, but I see Morales landing a higher percentage.”Trae Thompson, Ft. Worth Star-Telegram

“Pacquiao by decision.”Felix “Tito” Trinidad, Three-Time World Champion

“Morales by decision.”Felix Trinidad, Sr., 1995 / 2000 BWAA “Trainer of the Year”

“On paper, as Manny Pacquiao convincingly defeated Marco Antonio Barrera, who in turn beat Erik Morales in their third fight, you would naturally expect

Pacquiao to win this fight. But boxing bouts are not fought on paper and I expect the bigger Erik Morales to win a 12-round points decision, in a very

entertaining and exciting fight."Paul Upham, Secondsout.com

“Morales wins yet another grueling war flooring Pacquiao in the later rounds as Morales finds a home for his left uppercut and right hand in the mid rounds.”German Villasenor, BoxingGladiators.com

“Erik Morales in a close decision.”Calvin Watkins, Dallas Morning News

“This should be a great fight. Morales' length could pose a problem, but Pacquiao's aggression wins out. Manny in late TKO.”John Whisler, Express-News (San Antonio)

“Morales isn’t physically strong enough to make the jump in weight for Pac Man an issue. Erik gives up his height and falls into uppercuts ad nauseum. If

Manny has the patience to let Morales trap himself, Manny’s speed and strength will be too much to overcome. Pacquiao W 12”Johnnie Whitehead, The Ring / KO Magazines

"Morales by decision. Pacquiao will look good early, might even score a knockdown. But Morales needs this fight to re-establish himself and will dominate

later rounds and win on heart and smarts.”George Willis, New York Post

“Pacquiao by late KO.”Winky Wright, first undisputed 154 Pound Champion in 29 Years

FINAL TALLY: MORALES 54 / PACQUIAO 51 / DRAW 1

Friday, March 11, 2005

March 6 - 11 Stuffs

Life update:

Nothing worth telling to… that happened this weekend……
Oh yeah!!! I really hate that analog weighing scale we had….
Look you can’t gain 10 lbs in just a day…..
Damn!! Gonna buy a digital …. one of this days

Another thing…
My right arm…
The part wherein they zip some blood in it..
Last Tueday..
Got pretty nasty…..
Dunno why…
Maybe one of the reason..
‘coz after some sort of a 24 hrs. after the blood drive…
I started lifting again in my right arm….
Maybe one of my muscles got pretty battered…

Monday….
Nothing really interesting this day..
Except that I left my Nesvita at home………
DAMN!! My tummy is aching…
You probably saying..
That I should go to 7-11 to buy this so called cereal drink..
I’ve think of that…
but too darn…. lazy to get off on this desk..
Common I won’t die without any food in just a day…

I was trying to get some sleep around 12 am….
When my bro was watching The Correspondent…
A sort of a documentary/investigative report….
It’s all about the Filipinos in Netherlands….
It’s quite hardly to think on whether there’s a country
That doesn’t have any Filipino in it…
I’m quite interested when they featured this Dutch….
That speaks(not so fluent)…
And acts like a real Filipino…
I think his name was Hank…..
He’s in-and-out of the Philippines for almost 40 yrs.
‘coz his company KLM(airline) was based in the Phil.
I was surprised to see that his house has a filipino theme…
From the Philippine flag at his terrace..
The paintings, stuffs, nara furniture….
This one is a killer….
When they featured his toilet….
There we’re Filipino political figures such as president’s
pictures hanging on his wall.
And mind it they were signed by them…

Tuesday…….
I was really serious in sleeping somewhat at 10 pm….
‘coz I’ve been sleeping around 12 – 1 am…
Since college up to work….
The difference when you’re working…
Is that I usually find myself sleeping..
In the bus, or during lunch break……
And 5 – 6 hrs. of sleep is not advisable…
By my so-called dietician(hehe! It’s only me)…..
After watching some local shows around 9 pm….
My singing-contest-fanatic mind caught the American Idol..
Last night….
Gonna see how’s my Bo Vice and Anwar was doing….
You may be asking why Bo Vice…
‘Coz he’s a certified rocker!!!!!!
Unlike Constantine…
He really isn’t that old-skul rocker..
He got this cutie-cutie look …. BLEAH!!!!
Damn!! Rocker don’t do that…
They just bring the house down…
With their growls… and cool voices….
Abt. Anwar…
Common Anwar is a common fave…
Not just ‘coz he’s a music teacher, and look nice,
Bet he’s really a great singer..
While he sings the first lines of Wonderful World(hope I got the title right)
I was like damn! This song is a big time boring…
But when he started that rendition, high-pitched voice….
And it was so coooooooooooooooollllllllll.

Wednesday…….
Don’t wanna talk abt. this on detail…
My bro. gonna kick the hell out of me...
If he read my blog….
Just a quick run-through…
His cellphone was scammed last night….
By some old-skul scams…..
The first thing he did when he said that to me..
Was he kicked my bed….
“Damn!! Don’t kick that…..
If you really hate yourself just punch that wall…
No!!, not the wooden one,…. that cement wall….”
Before I got to sleep I was saying something aloud…
“Ang tanga, tanga ko talaga, Naiinis ako sa sarili ko”
And he’ll start pretty annoyed by that……..

His freaking phone:


Let’s laid some stuffs why I haven’t experienced this stuff…..
I’m an unfriendly in nature. I don’t engage in a chit-chat stuff to anyone I really don’t know. Especially those old drivers who got lot of stories to tell to their passengers, when they start blabbering I just open my bag, take-out my earphone, suck it in, and listen to something worth listening than some “kwentong-barbero/driver” stuff.
You may call me paranoid, but when I walk I really don’t like someone following me. When I sense someone is I’ll just use my bionic legs, I’m a fast walker. Maybe that’s what you got when you’re used of walking a 3-5 kms from school to your place, just to save some money, oh yeah! I was in Elementary that time. I’m a sucker for money, I’m a big-time spend-thrift, and the money you save is worth your tummy’s growls.
I don’t took out my cellphone in public especially in a public transpo, even placing it in my pocket is a big no-no to me, unlike my bro.. hehehe!! I don’t know if this is unusual but I also don’t exposed my precious wallet in public, I always make sure that before I leave my desk/home that all my fare was in my pocket.


Transpo update:

Tuesday…
I was standing in a bus (it’s a usual scenario around 8 am)
When I took a peek at the window..
Saw this woman at the another public transpo…
And her hair got some rollers..
WTF……
You don’t wear your rollers in a public transpo..
Or even go out your house while those
Pesky rollers hanging in your hair…..

Wednesday…………….
My clock woke me up around 6 am…
Get.up and set-it-up again for 30 mins…
6:30 it starts beeping…..
The beep really penetrates in your dream…..
This time I woke for real……
Do the routine…
Ride the van around 7:30…..
Arrived at the bus station around 8….
And WELCOME TO THE TRAFFIC JAM!!!…..
Another standing situation for me…..
Nothing really happens interesting at this time..
But I’ll just state the normal stuffs happening in my..
Pesky life every morning….
I’ll be standing the whole 15-20 mins......
While you exchange perfumes with other people…
You’ll be lucky if they are in perfume..
But if it’s the natural smell….
Damn!!! You’re in a crappy situation…
Oh yeah!! Why did I say 15-20 mins..
‘Coz when the bus reached the first bus stop….
Mantrade, around 30-40% of the passenger will get-off…..
Finally chance to have some seat….
But for only 5 mins….
‘coz the Ayala Station(My place) was 5 mins…
Away from Mantrade.
Finally Ayala Station..
Time to have some 10-15 mins. walk…
It’s pretty a long walk from the station to the office…
It’s my morning exercise….
But the crappy part was….
I usually have this sweaty feeling, oily face, and tiring mood..
Whenever I reach my desk…



Work update:

Monday….
Our manager had been out for almost a week…
So what do expect for us to do….
Hehe!! Do nothing of course
Damn!! I’m s bored on browsing…
Waiting for my counterparts to gave me something to do….

Tuesday……
Went on a team meeting…
Finally something worth doing n this whole weekend…
We’ve talked abt. the plans of relocating the whole proj.
In Cubao instead on it’s present location which is in Makati…
I said WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cubao is crap…
There are no Gloriettas, Ayalas…
All you can found in there was COD, Ali Mall, Farmers Plaza…
Don’t want to sound mean and classy…
But this malls are filthy and crap…
There are no guards on the streets unlike in Makati….
There’s even a lot bus stations routing to diff. provinces….
Lot of snathcers/thieves on the streets…
Wherein Makati, you can safely pull-out your phone..
In public…..

Another thing we’ve talked abt.
Was the team building….
I hope they we end in a beach..
It may sound to be corny…
But I never been in a beach….
Yeah for real!!!
I have this so-called…
Self-declared-sun-allergy…..
Now when everyone look at me and say…
You’re too pale….
You better get some tanning….
It would be a long shot but I hope…
My first beach experience would be somewhere in…
Puerto Galera, Dakak, or even Boracay…..
Common if you’ll dream of something..
Dream BIG!!!

Wednesday………..
Another CMM(Capability Maturity Model) exam….
Huh?? Exam…
Yup we do have an exam…
To refresh our memory of the processes and methodologies…
The company was using..
It really don’t reflect on our performance review…
So I usually relax during the exam…
Have some an hour of review on the day of the exam itself…
And finally I passed the exam…
Got 10.5/20….
Seems like hanging in a clip…..

Forum update:

Damn!! Receiving lots of emails…
Peeps think I’m an ABS employee…
Why... maybe ‘coz I’m the moderator…
In their forum…….

Miscellaneous:
Quote of the week:

“I also realized something about my infatuation with Nana. I realized that I wasn’t so much interested in her as a person, but merely felt a strong sensation of possessiveness; a feeling that essentially meant: “Everybody else stand back – I’ve seen this female first!” And this is something that doesn’t have anything to do with the person in question. Which is pretty sad. And thus my infatuation ended.” -- Anonymous

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Rantings of a Heartbroken Man Pt 1: Heartbreak Hirosue

saw this post by heartbroken and it's damn!! nice!!!
the typical reaction of a fan would have whe you're idol just got married....
i'm starting to see myself having this kind of rantings...
here's he's post:
*****************************
I’m not a Ryoko Hirosue fan. I’m just MADLY IN LOVE WITH HER! The difference between being a fan of a pop idol and being a man in love with a woman that he can never have is that, while the fan untiringly scours the Net for every last morsel of information about the object of his admiration, the poor lovesick sap (read: me) desperately tries to forget the object of his adoration and get on with his life. That is one of the main reasons I don’t keep myself updated with her private life. Then there’s the little problem of language barrier. Most of the sources are in Japanese, which I find so difficult to read. Every time I go about the task of decoding a piece of Japanese text, I’ve to be armed with three dictionaries (including a humongous Nelson kanji one) and other grammar textbooks.

Imagine my shock when I stumbled upon the news on the Internet about her shotgun wedding!!! (I can’t believe I got the news 14 months late! I must be the biggest idiot on the face of the planet. I feel bad enough as it is so please, there’s no need to about bashing me. Please don’t rub it in…)

I was shocked. I was devastated. I was crushed. I felt a sickening tightening of my chest, like someone was sitting on it. I couldn’t breathe. I was gasping for air. My heart thumped and thumped furiously inside my ribcage as if it was about to burst. I felt as if my heart was being stabbed over and over again. The veins in my head were pounding; I couldn’t think. I looked at the mirror; my face was white and blank, without any hint of expression. My world has been shattered like the proverbial house of glass and everything is tumbling around me. I tried to scream but not a whisper escaped my lips. I tried to cry but not a single tear streamed down my cheeks. The pain was unbearable. It was so much worse than any bodily pain ever inflicted upon me in my entire life. My will to live was gone; pried from my fingers in that terrible instant. I was ready to collapse and die there and then. They would’ve found a rotting corpse, clutching his monitor. The autopsy report would’ve read, “He died from a broken heart”. But I didn’t. Somehow I survived. I felt the same way for days. Every time I think of her (just every second of every minute of every hour of every day), all those sickening feelings would come rushing out like a bursting dam and I would just freeze in my tracks. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. Food tasted like cardboard to me. I find myself jolted up in the middle of the night in the pangs of a panic attack, gasping for air, struggling to breathe, with my heart pounding as if someone was squeezing it with his bare hands. Initially, upon finding out, it was shock and disbelief. Now it’s grief and a terrible sense of helplessness and despair. I went through the whole gamut of emotions: shock, denial, grief, despair and yes, even rage. Despite all this feelings raging within me, threatening to tear me into a thousand pieces, there is a terrible sense of loss and emptiness inside. It’s as if part of my soul has been torn from me. I can’t smile anymore. My ability to feel joy is gone, perhaps forever. I’m like a zombie, a walking corpse devoid of a soul. She had brought so much joy to my life. But now that joy has turned to pain. My life would be forever changed. I will never look at her the same way ever again; and that is the greatest tragedy.

It’s been more than a week since and after seeing how happy she was about being a new wife and mother at the press conference, I feel somewhat at peace with it and have accepted it, though the pain hasn’t subsided. If she’s truly happy and found her true love, then I’m genuinely happy for her, however hurt I may feel. (Happy and hurt at the same time, I’d never thought that was possible.) I just want her to be happy; my own happiness is a distant second. It may take weeks to recover. It may take months. It may take years; even decades…I doubt I’ll ever recover. How can you ever truly recover after losing the love of your life. I’ll go through life constantly thinking of her, forever carrying this thorn in my heart. Forever burdened with this terrible thing called love. Forever scarred by love lost. “It’s better to love and lost than to have never love at all.” I used to believe that. Now I’m not so sure…

I’m glad I found this forum. I needed someplace to vent. I needed to pour my heart out. Not even those closest around me really have any inkling of how deep my devotion…my love…my adoration for this girl is. Sure, they may have gathered that I’m just a ‘fan’ of hers. That I ‘like’ her. That I have a ‘crush’ on her. (How could they not since I constantly gush about how great an actress she is, buy and watch her stuff religiously and have posters of her plastered all over my room.) There were many times before I was tempted to declare my undying love for this sweet angel to the whole world (well, to those people I know at least), but then good sense brought me back to earth; what would they think? “This guy’s nuts.” “Poor pathetic, delusional fool.” I’ll be a laughing stock. I’ll be snickered at and ridiculed for the rest of my life. “Get a life, bozo”, they might say. “Find a real girl for pete’s sake, wilya.” (Speaking of good sense, I wish Ryoko had used her good sense…*sigh*. But that’s a whole ‘nother story.) They’d send me to the shrink, or worse, have me committed! They would never understand. And thus I locked up all my feelings for her deep within the walls of my heart and bear it silently for the pass four and a half years. But now…Normally I wouldn’t have bared my soul in a public forum such as this, but this pain is too severe for me to bear alone. I can’t stand it anymore… I don’t care anymore… This is my soul laid bare, my declaration of love for Ryoko Hirosue for all posterity to witness!!! I’m writing this as a therapy for me, sort of a healing process. I find it...cathartic.

On a lighter note, it’s kinda comforting to know there are some people who feel (well, almost anyway) as devastated as I do. At least you guys can grasp what it feels like to carry a torch for someone you’ve never met before. It’s like a support group for me. Bexpress, I know exactly how you felt when you first got the bad news. You’re a man after my own heart. So, bexpress and ren, does it get any easier after a year? I better sign off now. I’ve taken enough of your time and the forum’s space as it is. Thanks for reading. I’m off to my dungeon to grief…

(End of part one. I may be back with a sequel if there’s a demand…)

*******************
You're probablly thinking.. Who's this Ryoko-chan..
well as for me she's one of the most.. talented, kawaii and high pitch idol in Japan,
damn!! can't take her out in my mind after watching Summer Snow.. it's a tear jerker.....



Friday, March 04, 2005

the life of Boy Bastos

received this story from my friend..
it's pretty damn funny and long...
so if ur too bored in life...
maybe boy bastos' life would inspire you...
**********************************

bago pa man mabuo si boy...
sperm 1: pare, maghanda na tayo! malapit natayong lumabas!
sperm 2: onga pare. 1, 2! 1, 2!
sperm 1: ayan na pare lalabas na tayo!SUGOOOOOOOD!...BALIK! TAE! TAE! TAE!
sumunod na oras....
sperm 1: pare, maghanda na tayo! malapit nauli tayong lumabas!
sperm 2: onga pare. 1, 2! 1, 2!
sperm 1: ayan na pare lalabas na tayo!SUGOOOOOOOD!...BALIK! TONSIL!TONSIL!
at sa sumunod pa...
sperm 1: pare, maghanda na tayo! malapit nauli tayong lumabas!
sperm 2: onga pare. 1, 2! 1, 2!
sperm 1: ayan na pare lalabas na tayo!SUGOOOOOOOD! *splat!* condom...

sa kabutihang palad ay nabuo rin si boy. at dinagtagal...
nanay: honey!!! oras na! manganganak na ako!!!
tatay: talaga honey? o teka lang! wag kanggagalaw!
(biglang naghubad si tatay at ipinasok nya angkanyang batutoy sa batutayni nanay!)
nanay: honey! anong ginagawa mo???
tatay: basta! akong bahala! ANAK! KUMAPIT KA!KUMAPIT KA!

--------------------------------------------------------------------
hindi umepekto ang "delivering the baby" styleni tatay, so dinala si nanaysa ospital...
doc: ayan ho Mrs., nakalabas na ang ulo nganak nyo!
nabigla si doc ng ...
boy bastos: hoy! ikaw ba tatay ko?
doc: hindi! hindi ako ang tatay mo! nursehalika dito dali!
nang dumating ang lalaking nurse...
boy bastos: hoy! ikaw ba tatay ko?
nurse: naku! hindi ako ang tatay mo! tekatatawagin ko sya!
nang dumating si tatay...
boy bastos: hoy! ikaw ba tatay ko?
tatay: oo anak! ako nga!
Boy bastos: (sinundot-sundot and noo ng tatay)masarap ba yan ha? masarap?!
----------------------------------------------------
Isang araw, nung mga three years old na si BoyBastos, sabay sila naligo ngtatay niya nang mapansin niyo yung e**** ngkanyang tatay.
Boy Bastos: Tay, ano po yan?
Tatay: A, eto, a, eh, ano to ? ah ?.. (nahiyapa ang gago)
Boy Bastos: Yan pong nakalawit na yan?
Tatay: A, anak, eh, lumpia to.
Boy Bastos: Tangnang lumpia yan, mukhang****!!!
----------------------------------------------------
kinagabihan ..... nakita ni boy na dinidilaanng nanay nya ang betlog ng
tatay nya...
boy bastos: nay, anong ginagawa mo?
nanay: ah, anak, kumakain lang ako ngbola-bola.
Boy bastos: antakaw mo naman nay! maybola-bola ka na nga, may lumpia ka
pa!
----------------------------------------------------
nung hapon na ?. nakita nya ang boobs ngkanyang nanay
boy bastos: nay ano yan?
nanay: wala anak, salbabida ang mga to.
Boy bastos: pwede ko bang gamitin yan sa beachbukas?
nanay: hindi pwede anak kasi gagamitin ko.
Boy bastos: eh di yung kay yaya nalang.
nanay: hindi pwede anak. walang hangin yun e.
boy bastos: imposible nay! ka-iihip lang nitatay kagabi e!
-----------------------------------------------------
Nang mga 4 years old naman si Boy Bastos,aksidenteng nakita niya ang****** ng nanay niya.
Boy Bastos: Nay ano po iyan? Bat may buhokkayo diyan?
Nanay: Ah anak, wala iyan. Walis iyan.
Boy Bastos: Tangina kaya pala kagabi nakita koyung katulong natinwinawalis yung mukha ni tatay.
-----------------------------------------------------nagtanong ang nanay ni boy sa kanya...
Nanay: anak bat ayaw mong magpaligo sa yayamo?
Boy Bastos: e kasi nakakatakot sya! nakita kokahapon nung pinapaliguan nyasi itay...
Nanay: o anong nakakatakot dun?
Boy Bastos: eh...nangangagat ng titi e!

di nagtagal ay pumasok na si boy saeskuwelahan at di rin nagtagal aynakilala na sya bilang boy bastos...
teacher: class, ang gagawin natin ay,magsasabi ako ng letter at magsasabikayo ng word na nag-uumpisa dito. okay, lettera!
boy bastos: mam ako! mam!
teacher: ayoko sayo bastos ka e...okay, nene?
nene: mam apple!
teacher: very good! next letter b!
boy bastos: mam! ako mam!
Teacher: ayoko sayo bastos ka e...
Nag-isip ngayon si teacher ng letter na walangmaiisip na kabastusan.
teacher: ok, letter z! o sige na nga boy,letter z.
boy: mam zebra.
teacher: very good! Ayan hindi na pala bastossi boy.
Boy bastos: PERO 16 INCHES YUNG TITI !
-------------------------------------------------------
kumakain ng mani si boy...
boy: nene, gusto mo ng mani?
nene: ayoko, tinitigyawat ako sa mani e...
boy: ah ganon ba? ako sa mukha.
-----------------------------------------------------
Nasa isang mall si Boy Bastos nang biglasiyang ma-jingle. Pumunta siya sapinakamalapit na CR pero sarado ang men'sroom. Dahil desperado, sa women'sroom na lang siya nag-CR. Nang palabas siya,nahuli siya ng janitor.
Janitor: Hoy, bakit dito ka umihe, hindi mo baalam na pambabae itong CR nato?
Inilabas ni Boy Bastos ang **** at ipinakitasa janitor.
Boy Bastos: E bakit ito, hindi ba itopambabae?
----------------------------------------------------
crush ni boy si nene kaya di nya itotinitigilan ?.... sinisiko ni boy sinene
nene: mam! si boy o! sinisiko ako!
teacher: boy bastos! alam mo bang masakit angmaniko?
Boy bastos: e mam, bat pa kayo pumasok?
---------------------------------------------------
Isang hapon, niyakag ni Boy Bastos maglaro siNene
boy: uy, nene, laro tayo ng "wag wag"
nene: anong "wag wag"?
boy: ganito lang...maghubad ka tapos papatongako sayo...tapos isisigaw mo,"wag! wag!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
binata na si boy, at nanliligaw sya kaynene...
isang gabi, naiwan si boy at si nenengnag-iisa sa bahay...
boy bastos: sige na nene, pagbigyan mo na ako.
nene: boy wag ayoko...
boy bastos: sige na...
biglang nagbrownout...
boy bastos: o ipapasok ko na ha?
nene: wag boy ang sakit! aaaaaaaa!
sumindi uli ang ilaw. dugu-dugo ang ilong ninene.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Isang hapon, naglalaro ng tong-its si BoyBastos at ang iba nyang mgakaibigan. Nandun sila sa bahay ng kaibigannyang si Pedro.
Problema lang, ang kulit-kulit ng anak niPedro na limang taon pa lang.Sinisilip nya ang baraha ng mga naglalaro atsinisigaw akung ano yungbaraha, kaya nasisira yung laro nila.
Dahil dito, na-bad trip na talaga si BoyBastos, kaya hinila nya yung bataat dinala nya sa kwarto. After 15 minutes,bumalik si Boy Bastos sa mesa,na hindi na kasama yung bata. Tuloy sila nanglaro.
Natapos yung session nila nang madaling arawna. Napansin nila na mula nungdinala ni Boy Bastos sa kwarto yung bata,hindi na bumalik para mangulit.
Nagtanong si Pedro tungkol sa anak nya, "BoyBastos, anong ginawa mo saanak ko, pa'no mo napatigil sa pangungulit?"
"Andun sa kwarto, tinuruan kong mag-jakol."
----------------------------------------------
Naguusap si boy at ang tatay nya...
tatay: boy, anong gusto mong gawin paglaki mo?
boy: parang ginagawa mo tay!
tatay: ang galing naman ng anak ko! gusto ringmag-abogado!
boy: hindi tay! gusto ko ring tumira ngkatulong!
----------------------------------------------

ang araw ng malapit ng ikasal si Boy Bastos
Tatay: Anak, eto pera, sumibak ka muna paramagka-experience ka bago kaikasal.. Maraming pokpok dyan sa palengke.
Habang papunta na si Boy Bastos sa Palengkepara maghanap ng pokpok, nakitasiya ng lola niyang malibog.
Lola: Boy Bastos apo ko, san ba iho ang lakadmo?
Boy Bastos: Dyan lang po sa palengke. Binigyanako ng pera ng tatay para
kumantot ng pokpok.
Lola: Bigay mo na lang sa 'kin ang kalahati atako na lang ang sibakin moiho.
Pag-uwi ni Boy Bastos sa Bahay ay abot tengaang ngiti ng gago at kinausapagad ang tatay.
Boy Bastos: Tay, nakasibak na ko. Nagpasibaksa kin si lola. Kalahati pa
bayad. May pambili pa ko ng bold na tabloid.
Tatay: Ano? Tangina mo bakit mo sinibak nanayko?
Boy Bastos: Tangina mo rin ikaw nga araw-arawmo sinisibak nanay ko. Minsansa pwet pa!
----------------------------------------------
di naglaon ay ikinasal rin sina boy at nene...
sa honeymoon
boy bastos: o nene, mag ano na tayo!
nene: sorry boy ha? meron ako ngayon e.
boy bastos: lang ya naman o...sa pwet nalang!
nene: boy nagtatae rin ako e.
boy bastos: bad trip...sa bibig?
nene: inuubo ako e...*ahem! ahem!*
boy bastos: putang ina wag mong sabihing maysipon ka rin?!


---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nagka-anak sina boy at nene, isang lalaki atisang babae. binata't dalagana sila...
Nene jr.: tay, peram naman ng kotse o...
Boy Bastos: sige pero isang kondisyon. mag-anomuna tayo.
Nene jr.: tay meron ako ngayon e. blowjobnalang kita.
Boy bastos: o sige.
pagkatapos ng blowjob...
Nene jr.: tay, bat lasang tae yung e**** nyo?
Boy bastos: ah ganon ba? hiniram kasi ng kuyamo kanina yung kotse e!


--------------------------------------------------------------------
lumipas ang mga taon at naging pulis si boy atsa complaint desk syanaka-assign...
babae: ser, tulungan nyo ho ako...ginahasa hoako! huhuhu...
boy bastos: isalaysay mo sa akin ang nangyariiha...yung detalyado ha?
babae: opo...hinoldap po ako ng isang mama,tapos po ay dinala nya ako saisang liblib na lugar. dun po ayhinalik-halikan niya ako. Pagkatapos ay
inumpisahan nya akong hubaran. Una, ang paldako. Tapos po ang blouse. Atng naka bra at panty na lang ako ay sinalat ponya ang aking...
boy bastos: TAMA NA! TAMA NA! sa kabila ka namag file ng complaint!
babae: bakit ho ser?
Boy bastos: tinitigasan na ako!
----------------------------------------------------------------
Hindi nagtagal sa pagiging pulis si Boy atnagtrabaho na lang sa isangrestaurant bilang isang waiter. Habangkinukuha ang order ng isangcustomer, natabig ng customer ang kutsaraniya. Agad namang dumukot sakanyang bulsa si Boy Bastos ng kutsara sabulsa niya. Nabilib ang customer.
Customer: Astig ah! Lahat ba kayong waiterdito, merong kutsarang ready sabulsa?
Boy Bastos: Opo. Meron kasi kaming "efficiencyexpert" dito. Sabi niya,23.6% ng mga customer, natatabig ang mgakutsara. Para makatipid sa oras nglakad, meron na kaming ready na kutsara sabulsa.
Natapos nang kumain ang customer at kinuhaniya na ang chit niya. Napansinniyang merong nakalabas na tali mula sa zipperni Boy Bastos.
Customer: Bakit ka merong tali diyan sa zippermo?
Boy Bastos: Lahat kaming waiter dito, merongganyan. Nakakabit yan sa arinamin, para pag-iihe kami, hindi na naminkailangang hawakan para ilabas.Sabi kasi nung "efficiency expert" namin,15.6% ng oras ang nauubos sapag-hugas ng kamay pagkagaling sa CR.
Customer: Matanong ko lang, pa'no moibinabalik yung ari mo sa pantalon?
Boy Bastos: Ewan ko lang sa ibang waiter ha,pero ako ginagamit ko yungkutsara.

tanda na si Boy Bastos at binata na angkanyang anak. Pinayagan niya naitong maghanap ng asawa, ngunit sa isangkondisyon: kailangan niyanghumanap ng asawang inosesnte pa.
Naisip ng anak niya na upang makakita siya nginosente, ipapapakita niya
ang kanyang e**** sa babae at titingnan angreaction nito.
Nalibot niya ang buong mundo, ngunit hindisiya makakita ng babaeng hindialam kung ano yun. Ngunit isang araw, nakakitasiya ng babaeng mukhanginosente at ipinakita niya yung kanyang ****.
Anak: Ano to?
Babae: Uod, uod.
So, naisip niya, inosente nga ito, akala niyauod yung nakita niya.
At inuwi niya yung babae sa bahay paraipakilala kay Boy Bastos. Paramaipakitang inosente nga, pinakita niya ulityung **** niya, this time saharap ni Boy Bastos.
Anak: Ano to?
Babae: Uod, uod.
At nabilib si Boy Bastos, aba, inosente nga.Kaya sinubukan din ni BoyBastos yung babae at ipinakita niya angkanyang ari.
Boy Bastos: Ano to?
Babae: PUTANG INA, YAN ANG ****!!!
----------------------------------------------

Isang araw, dahil sa sobrang bastos ni BoyBastos, kinulam siya ng isang
mangkukulam (siyempre, ano pa ba yung kukulamsa kanya) at pinaliit ang**** niya. Naging ga-munggo na lang yung ****niya!!! Isang taon daw siyangmagiging ganito.
Ngayon, syempre na bad-trip siya, kase paretangna naman, kahit sinokulamin mo at gawing ga-munggo lang yung ****eh ma-ba bad trip, diba? Kayasiyempre nagtanong-tanong siya sa mgamatatanda sa kanya kung paano maaalisyung kulam sa kanya.
Sabi ng lola niya, "Ahh, alam ko na. Pumuntaka sa ikapitong gubat ngikapitong bundok pagkatawid ng ikapitong ilog.Doon, meron kang makikitangmatandang ermitanyo. Ngayon, merong ipapagawasa yo yung ermitanyo, tapos,pwede ka nang mag-wish."
Kaya pumunta si Boy Bastos sa ikapitong gubatng ikapitong bundokpagkatawid ng ikapitong ilog. Pagdating niyadoon, meron siyang nakitang
matandang unano na nakaupo sa isang bato.Kinausap ito ni Boy Bastos.
Boy Bastos: A, eh, mama, kayo ho ba yungmatandang ermitanyo?
Matanda: Oo, amang, ako nga yon.
Boy Bastos: E, pwede niyo ho ba akongtulungan?
Matanda: Oo, pero meron ipapagawa muna ako sayo.
Boy Bastos: Ano po iyon?
Matanda: Pwede ba kitang tirahin sa pwet?
(Sandali, hindi pa yun yung joke!)
Nag-isip si Boy Bastos. Hindi naman siguromalaki yung **** nitongmatandang to, eh wala pa atang 3 feet tongunanong to e. Kesa naman isangtaong ga-munggo yung titi niya diba.
Boy Bastos: Sige ho payag na ko!
Matanda: O sige, tuwad na!
Tumuwad si Boy Bastos. Inilabas ng matandayung titi niya, nagulat si BoyBastos dahil, putang ina pare kasing laki ngdalawang brasong pinagdikit
yung **** ng matandang unano. Sige tsong,ipagdikit mo yung mga braso mo.Yung mga kamao mo, ganyan kalaki yung ulo nunge**** ng malibog namatandang bakla.
Hindi na nakahindi si Boy Bastos dahilnaunahan na siya ng matanda.Binanatan ng matanda yung pwet ni Boy Bastosnang halos tatlong orasnon-stop! Siguro, ngayon, pagkatapos nito,wala nang tunog ang utot ni BoyBastos. Wala nang friction eh.
Pagkatapos, kinausap ni Boy Bastos ang matandana abot-tenga ang ngiti.
Boy Bastos: Eh, mama, ngayon ho, pwede na baakong mag-wish?
Matanda: Ala eh, amang naman, pagkatanda mo nae naniniwala ka pa sa mga
wish-wish?

BOY BASTOS: The Series
Dinala si Boy Bastos ng kanyang magulang sa isang nude camp. Masyadong_ maraming napapansing kakaiba si Boy Bastos kaya minabuti niyang tanungin ang kanyang itay. "Itay, bakit may titing malaki at titing maliit?" "Kasi iba-iba ang lalaki. Kapag bobo ang lalaki, maliitlang ang titi niya, kapag matalino, malaki," sagot ng tatay. "Teka, nasaan ba ang nanay mo?" "May kausap pong bobong lalaki pero parang tumatalino na," sagot_ ni Boy Bastos.
Bumalik ang nanay ni Boy Bastos mula sa 2 araw na pagbabakasyon at sinalubong agad siya ni Boy Bastos. "Alam n'yo inay, habang naglalaro ako sa loob ng kabinet ng kuwarto n'yo,nakita ko si tatay na pumasok at may kasamang babae at naghubad sila pareho," bungad ni Boy Bastos na pinatigil agad ng ina. "Mamaya mo na ikuwento ito sa harap ng tatay mo," sabi ng nagngingitngit na ina ni Boy. Kinahapunan, habang kumakain ang pamilya, nagpaumpisa na ang ina. "Ano_ na nga ba 'yung ikinuwento mo kanina sa_ akin Boy?" "Ganito po 'yun inay," sabi ni Boy Bastos. "Habang naglalaro ako sa loob ng kabinet ng kuwarto n'yo, nakita ko si itay na pumasok na may kasamang_ babae." Pinagpawisan agad ang ama. "Tapos, naghubad silang pareho. Tapos pumatong 'yung babae kay itay.__ Tulad po 'yung ginawa n'yo inay kay Tiyo Berto noong isang buwan sa loob ng kuarto_ n'yo rin."
"Napakaarte talaga ng mga babae 'no po inay?" tanong ni Boy Bastos sa kanyang inay. "Bakit mo naman nasabi 'yan?"_ "Masyadong importante sa inyo ang mga walang kabagay-bagay tulad ng_ mga dalaw." "Oo naman." "Kita mo ngayon si ate, iyak ng iyak at dalawang buwan na raw siyang walang dalaw."
"Ang sipag sipag ng bago nating labandera inay," kuwento ni Boy Bastos._ "Talaga? Bakit mo naman nasabi 'yan?" tanong ng inay. "Kasi po kanina, habang natutulog si itay, hinuhubad na po niya ang brief ni_ tatay eh."
Sa *** education class ni Boy Bastos, naglabas ng litrato ng titi ang guro at nagtanong. "Alam n'yo ba kung ano ito?" "Titi po," sagot ni Boy Bastos. "Tama." "Ang tatay ko po merong dalawang ganyan eh." "Walang taong may dalawang titi Boy." "Ang tatay ko nga po meron. May isa siyang maliit na ganyan na ginagamit para umihi at may isa siyang malaki niyan na ginagamit niya para_ i-brush ang ngipin ng nanay ko."
Sa homeroom subject ni Boy Bastos naman. "Class, nagdala ba kayo ng mga litrato na iri-report n'yo ngayon tungkol sa mga exciting na bagay?" tanong ng guro. Sumagot lahat ng oo kaya si Boy Bastos ang unang tinawag ng guro. Sa harapan ng klase, nagpakita si Boy Bastos ng papel na may maliit na tuldok_ sa gitna. "Ano yan?" tanong ng guro. "Period po," sagot ni Boy Bastos. "Ano naman ang exciting sa period?" "Ewan ko po pero kahapon kinausap ng ate ko ang mga magulang ko na na-miss_ niya na raw ang period niya ng dalawang buwan, inatake sa puso si tatay,_ hinimatay si nanay at nagbaril sa sarili ang kapitbahay naming lalaki."


Pangungulangot at S3x
Inusisa ni Boy Bastos ang kanyang tatay.
Boy Bastos: Bakit po masarap ang s3x? Tatay: Kasi, may kiliti o sensasyon iyon na katulad ng nararamdaman mo pag nangungulangot ka.
Boy Bastos: Bakit po mas nasasarapan ang mga babae kaysa sa mga lalaki sa s3x? Tatay: Gaya ng nasabi ko, ang s3x ay parang pangungulangot. Kapag nangungulangot ka, mas nag-e-enjoy ang iyong ilong kesa sa angiyong daliri.
Boy Bastos: Bakit ayaw po ng mga babae na ginagahasa sila? Tatay: Iyang panggagahasa eh maihahalintulad sa naglalakad ka sa kalye, tapos, may lumapit sa iyo at kinalikot ang iyong ilong. Magugustuhan mo ba iyon?
Boy Bastos: Bakit po ayaw ng mga babae na makipag-s3x pag meron sila? Tatay: Anak, kapag dinudugo ang ilong mo, nangungulangot ka ba?
Boy Bastos: Bakit ayaw po ng mga lalaki na mag-condom kapag nakikipag-s3x sila? Tatay: Ikaw ba eh gusto mong mangulangot na may guwantes ka sa iyong daliri?
Boy Bastos: Bakit po sa pribadong lugar ginagawa ang pakikipag-s3x? Tatay: Mangungulangot ka ba sa harapan ng buong klase mo? Gago!

Some funny trivia abt. the Philippines

THE PHILIPPINES IS.................

50. where the most happening places is not where the party is, instead

it's where the gang wars happen, where naked women strip and where the

people overthrow a president.

49. where even Doctors, Lawyers and Engineers are unemployed.

48. where every family has its own drama story..

47. where mountains like Makiling and Banahaw are considered as holy

places.

46. where everything can be forged.

45. where the school is considered the second home and the mall

considered as third.

44. where Starbucks coffee is more expensive than gas.

43. where every street has a basketball court and every town only has

one public school.

42. where all kinds of animals are edible?????

41. where people speak all kinds of languages and still call it
Tagalog.

40. where students pay more money than they will earn afterwards.

39. where Call Center employees earn more money than teachers and
nurses

38. where driving 4kms can take as much as 4 hours.

37. where flyovers bring you from the freeway to the side streets.

36. where the tourist spots is where Filipinos cannot afford to go.

35. where the personal computer is mainly used for games and
friendster.

34. where most 13-year-olds are alcoholic.

33. where colonial mentality is dishonestly denied!

32. where 4am is not considered bed time yet.

31. where PEOPLE CAN PAY TO DEFY THE LAW!!!!

30. where everything is spoofed?

29. where even the poverty stricken get to wear Ralph Lauren and Tommy

Hilfiger (sobrang peke naman ng itsura)

28. where honking of car horns i s a way of life.

27. where being called a bum is never offensive.

26. where flood waters take up more than 90 percent of the streets

during the rainy season.

25. where everyone has a relative abroad who keeps them alive.

24. where crossing the street involves running for your dear life.

(EDSA!EDSA!)

23. where wearing your national colors make you "baduy"

22. where billiards is a sport, and darts is a bar game.

21. where even the poverty stricken have the latest cellphones. (nakaw

kasi eh)

20. where insurance does not work.

19. where water can only be classified as tap and dirty... clean water

is for sale (35pesos/gallon) - 40 pesos na po un iba 3 for 100!

18. where the church governs the people and where the government makes

the people pray for miracles. (AMEN TO THAT)

17. where University of the Philippines is where all the weird people

go. Ateneo is where all the nerds go. La Salle is where all the chinese

go. College of Saint Benilde is where all the stupid chinese go...

16. where (most people think that) fastfood is a diet meal

15. where traffic signs are merely suggestions not regulations

14. where all the trees in the city are below 6 ft.

13. where being held up is normal, it happens to everyone..

12. where kids dream of becoming pilots, doctors and basketball
players.

11. where rodents are normal house pets.

10. where the definition of traffic is the 'non-movement' of vehicles.

9. where the fighter planes of the 1940's are used for military

engagements and the new fighter planes are displayed in museums.

8. where being an hour late is still considered as punctual.

7. where cigarettes and alcohol are a necessity, and where the lottery

is a commodity.

6. where soap operas tell the realities of life and where the news

provides the drama.

5. where every foreigner is American & is addressed JOE!!!!

4. where actors make the rules and where politicians provide the

entertainment (kung gusto mo mapikon, watch the news)

3. where people can get away with stealing billions and trillions of

pesos; but not for a thousand or a hundred

2. where AMERICA is considered HEAVEN... and GOING THERE IS A

FULFILLMENT OF ONE'S LIFE LONG DREAMS!!!!

1. where everyone wants to leave the country!!!!!! San ka pa!!!

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