Friday, April 29, 2005

pics of the week 3

Another batch of pics...
from my phone's cam.......
wohoo!!!

Monday - busiest day of the week.......
start of my i'm broke aura.....
at the end of the day i supposed to meet someone...
around 7 pm....
but my officemates.... started leaving their desks around
6..... so i started to pack my stuffs...
texted this person.. to cancel this so-called eb(eye ball)...
btw.. i'm really not into those eb stuffs... justwanna try it out..
once in a while...just to know how it feels....
so the date was cancelled..... while we're on our way to Glorietta....
one of my colleagues asked me... where r u going? Landmark or MRT???
since i can go to my place using 2 dif. transpo... vans are located in Landmark... where..
the fare cost as much as 50 bucks.... while the bus just below MRT cost only around 20...
since i'm broke at that time... i was left walking alone to the MRT since they we're all going
to Landmark.....
oh yeah! to reach the MRT station.. i must passed through 3 interconnected malls...
Landmark, Glorietta, and SM Makati
while in Glorietta... i met my blockmates in collage.....
don't have any idea that they(we)'ll be having a some sort
of a group together.. all block-mates..........
so we went to Metrobar carrying only 400 bucks...........
since it's my first time to come in that kind of bar...
btw. it's a comedy bar.. where most of the comedianes are gays....


Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

San Mig Light - Freaking san mig light at first i was hesitant to drink...
since i'm really not into alcohols and stuffs..... plus the religion stuff...... oh yeah 2 bottles..
won't turn u into a drunken master.... do u know what happened... i got rashes for the rest of the week... damn allergy.... now it would take years again before i'll forgot that i'm
allergic to alcohols.... *scracth...itch...scratch....*

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Summer 2005 Pageant - Pageant not beauty pageant... just plain gay pageant.....
kinda awful but what the heck it's part of the show.... btw the hosts we're Vice(in blue) and Chokolaite(in a suit)......

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

The Contestant:...............

Ms. India: She just danced just plain crappy dance :)
Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Ms. USA: As i saw him performed..btw his performance is was to sing a duet.....
his other side was dressed as a girl while teh other one was a guy... and i was WTF i know this
gay he's the winner of doble-karaoke concert in MTB...... and my friend confirmed it to me....
Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Ms. ????? : Nothing special abt. his performance except for the butterfly effect...
and the way he was thrown in the air by his back-up dancers.....
Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Ms. Philippines: Gonna give my 2 thumbs up on this performance......
the first part was dancing as a girl... i think the dance step was swing....

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

2nd part..... he removed his clothes, wig.... and starte dancing like one of those macho dancers... those freaking gaybar dancers..... and he was good... i think he was a pro...

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Ms. ???: another a so...so... performance....
nothing much really to talk abt. this....

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Ms.?????: : One thing i remember abt. his performance.... was he really sounded like a woman.... oh yeah plus the big screen music vid...
Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

oops: just took a pic. one of my friends at the club... she's camera shy....

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Swimsuit: as one of the hosts said... this will test on how great this gays can hide tehir balls....

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

TL - Usually TL means Team Lead but not this time... for this guy's lingo.... it's Tulog Lagi(Always Sleeping) ... whenever i came inot the office around 9 i always end-up seeing him sleeping... even during lunch break.... he's just plainly the guru of dreams...

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Desktop - current desktop.... u'll see i'm watching the live concert of the 12 girls band...
they really rock BIG time....

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Oodyz - although i'm broke and started cursing my credit card company...
i can't stll help myself to use it... dunno if u call that a compulsive spender...
but what the heck.... last Thursday... still broke.. my officemate asked me to eat..
at oodyz a Taiwanese resto.. and i was.. what the heck.. i wanna know how's
Tai.. cuisine tastes... and it tastes really bleahh!!!!!!!!!!!!.............................
or it's just my taste buds who got some issues.....

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Monday, April 25, 2005

Joke 5

Ask any man if this is true. One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe had fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No." The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No." The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez. "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others. That's our story, and we're sticking to it!

************************************************

Better not pull her over

A woman is driving her car when she is pulled over by a a cop. He says to her: "Ma'am, may i see your licence please? you were speeding". The woman answers: "Oh no, officer, I don't have a licence, they took it after the 4th time i was caught driving drunk.".

The officer replies: "That is serious. Give me the car's registration forms, please".

The woman answers: "Oh, this is not my car. I stole it from my boss after i killed him. His body is in the trunk, by the way".

The cop is amazed and immidietly calls for backup while slowly moving away from the car, his hand on his gun.

When backup comes, the chief of the police approaches the woman with his gun pointed at her and orders her to get out of the vehicle.

The woman walks out, as ordered. Then the cheif says: "Ma'am, the officer said you reported a dead body in your trunk. please open it".

The woman acts amazed and when she opens the trunk, there is nothing there.

The surprised cheif says: "Can i also see your driving-licence?".

The woman opens her wallet and hands her licence to him.

The chief says: "Well, i'm soory ma'am, i don't know what to say. The officer over there told me you had a dead body in your trunk and that you didn't have a licence".

The woman smiles and says: "bet you that bastard also told you i was speeding, didn't he?"...

*********************************

Attending a convention, 3 psychiatrists take a walk. "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears," one says, "but we have no one to go to with our problems. Since we're all professionals, why don't we hear each other out right-now?"

They agree that this is a good idea. The first psychiartrist confesses, "I'm a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I overbill patients as often as I can."

The second admits, "I have a drug problem that's out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me."

The third psychiatrist says, "I know it's wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't keep a secret."

***************************

A man goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, Auntie Susie dies.

One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, granddaddy dies.

One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed. The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified.

The next day, the man is scared for his life- he is sure is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn't eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk.

Upon walking in his front door at the end of the day, he finds his wife. "Good God, Dear," he proclaims, "I've just had the worst day of my entire life!" She responds, "You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning."

*******************************************

A man escapes from prison where he had been kept for 15 years... As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns,but instead, finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up and goes to the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner. Look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years." "I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you...just give him satisfaction." "This guy must be dangerous. If he gets angry he'll kill us. Be strong honey, I love you." To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck, he was whispering in my ear..." "He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong honey....I love you too."

*************************************************

Well, this goes to show at females are smart beings after all...

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife."

So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.

Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!" She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket."

She said, "Yes, I promised. I'm a good Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a cheque."

******************************************************

A guy goes to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells him "For a complete checkup I'll need your blood sample, urine sample, stool sample, and semen sample."

The guy replies "Hey Doc, I don't have the time for all that. I'll just give you my underwear."

************************************************

After driving for about six hours, a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while. As soon as he falls asleep, he is awoken by some knocks on the door of the cab. "Can you tell me the time, please?" asks a jogger.

"Yeah, it's 4:30," answers the trucker. He falls asleep again, but he is awoken again by another jogger who wants to know the time.

"It's 4:40!" yells the trucker. Deciding to really try to sleep a little, he writes on a piece of paper: I Don't Know The Time!

He sticks the paper on his windshield. But he is awoken again. "It's 5:25" says another jogger.

Friday, April 22, 2005

pics of the week 2

OK here some collections of pics..
that somewhat tells what heppened..
in this freaking life for the past 2 weeks....

FHM - For Him Magazine.... never bought this mag...
and even read it from cover to cover... whenever a friend show...
me a copy of this one.. i just browse through the pages..
and said ahhhh... ok.... sex topics... and some sort of a hooker...
gals..... abt. the pic.. it's my officemate.. saw him reading it on his
and i took this pic saying.... "OK! ur in a big shit right now gonna..
send this to our HR Rep.."

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

cold - i'm a anti-bodies dependent person.....
in laymans term i dn't drink medicine to cure this common..
sickness crap..... esp. when i had this cold sometime last week...
my only cure on that was this steaming Nissin Instant Noodles..
and it really works for me.

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Chippy - the only junk food that i ate....
love this one 'coz of it's crunch.....

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

CDRs - this is a common set-up for an anime and jdorama...
fanatic/collector....
my room seems to be a mini CDR-King store...

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Desktop - love this rock chix as my wallpaper...
and this devilish skin of my winamp......

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Coach - OK last week was my first time to coach a bunch of
newbies on a certain prog. lang... and it was fun.....
they are calling u "coach.... coach!! how can i make this stuff....."

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Food - one thing i like on a training... was the free food... and i hate the fact that they...
sometimes make our breakfast as a rice meal... why not make it a simple pancake...
duh!!! ... oh yeah!! here's the pic of one of my students... caught her attention while shes eating...
don't worry abt. her we're on the same project....

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Traffic - need to say more??? nah!!!
btw this pic was taken while inside a MB100D *angas no!!*

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Gyudon - hunger finally struck my consciousness.......
seems that i can't get this code works...
so head to a mini-stop a local version of 7-11 and find..
this beef gyudon...

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

desk - love the black theme on my workstation and my desk seems a mess..
lots of tissues scattered.... mugs...

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

White board - the main purpose of this white board was too put up our todos so we'll
be reminded as we sit on our desks... but me board somewhat became a grafitti board....
look at the big sad face on it.. that's my mood on that day.

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Sunday, April 10, 2005

pics of he week

The pics shown below are all taken...
from my phone's 1.3 MP cam...
angas!! no!!

Comic Alley - one of my fave distributor of
licensed anime stuffs.. from dvds, osts, wall scroll,
stuff, and action figure...
but too bad they don't sell jpops....

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us


My Place - our place... seems to be on the mountain top right....
but it really isn't.. it's jus that it's land was highly elevated...
don't know exactly, why i took this pic...
Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Tricycle - if the jeep was the King of the Roads...
this this is the King of the Subdivisions.. you'll probably will..
see this stuffs roaming around the subdivisions..
since subd.. don't allow any public vehicles this is the only...
transpo.. that loads homeowners who don't have their own cars...
what do you expect... we aint gonna walk a lot of miles just to get..
in the nearest bus/jeep stations...
a 'lil FYI whenever i ride this thing.. the driver won't ask on where am i going..
hehe!!! 10 yrs. of riding this stuff really paid off...

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us


Creep - while i'm too busy browsing oops!!..
rather working saw this pesky insect crawling on my desk..
i was "WTF!!! hey there are no foods in here.. go away!!... shooo!!!"
Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Kurama(Yuyu Hakusho) - known in here as Denise of Ghost Fighter...
draw this one sometime on March last 2001.. probably out of boredom...
oh yeah!! that place was a vacant house at our back...

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Starbucks - my newly bought tumbler....
kinda cool right.. suits my all-black style...
you probably thinking that i'm a coffee drinker..
in fact i'm not.. just a mocha junkie..
there's a great possibility that when you see me..
my right hand was holding this tumbler.. while zipping..
Mocha Frappuccino on it.
Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Meeting - how boring a meeting could be??..
well one of my officemate just found something worth...
doing while in a boring meeting...
Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Lunch out - One of my fave word in this working industry...
most of the time it means it's a treat... last Thursday (4/10)...
one of my officemate treated us in Gerry's Grill home of the
best sisig i've tasted so far...abt. the pic.. below...
well as you can see that i'm drooling over that kare-kare...
'coz it's been a while since i ate some home-cooked stuffs...
most of the time it was Nesvita or some bread i can scrapped out of
Starbucks....
Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Veggies - i'm always fond of veggies..
though i'm not a vegitarian.. u can probably refer me as..
a frustrated vegitarian.. common our body needs some protein(meat)....
a 'lil FYI some peeps may hate eating ampalaya(bitterfruit) the thing...
is....i can eat it even if it's just been steamed.... dunno why..
common my taste buds don't have any problems...
Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us


Thursday, April 07, 2005

Joke 4

In an office building there was a blonde and a redhead working for a brunette.
Now on fridays the brunette would always go early leaving the blonde and redhead to lock up the office.
One friday the office was running slow and there was nothing else left to do so the blonde and redhead decided to sneak off work early and made a pact not to tell their brunette boss.
The blonde went home and when she opened her bedroom door she found her boyfriend and her brunette boss having sex.
She imediately slammed the door and panicked.
She thought to herself,
"Oh my god! I better get out of here, i cant let her know i got off work early"

***********************************

A man is talking to God.
He asks Him, "what is a million years like to you?"
"Like one second," God replies.
"Oh, well, what is a million dollars like to you?"
God says, "Like one penny".
"Can I have a penny, Lord?" the man asks.
"Sure, just a second"

***********************************

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. "Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's not so bad."

When her two tennage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation. Moments later, the woman's husband, Keith, came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith."

***********************************

A man was driving down the interstate at 85 miles/hour with his new Porsche. A police officer observes him and begins a high speed pursuit. The man sees the policeman in his rear view mirror and thought "Yabai!", so he proceeded to speed up and tried to outrun the cop. They were both zooming down the interstate at 180 miles/hour when the man suddenly came to his senses and thought that to avoid any more complications and problems, he should pull over.

And pulled over he did.

When the officer approached the vehicle, he said, "You better have a damn good explanation why you were speeding away! You know that you stand with more against you now because of your speeding away?!" The guy replied, "The reason why I ran is because, you see, 2 months ago my wife left me and ran off with a cop. When I saw you in my rear view mirror, I thought you were trying to bring her back!"

The officer replied, "Oh, I see. Have a nice day!"

***********************************

Michael Jackson Jokes

Q. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A. From a catalogue.

Q: Have you heard about Michael Jackson's New Book?
A: It's called "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing”.

Q. How do you know Michael Jackson is having a party?
A. There are a bunch of tricycles in front of his house.

Q: What do Michael Jackson and the Detroit Tigers have in common?
A: They both wear one glove for no apparent reason.

Q: Why was Michael Jackson spotted at K-Mart?
A: He heard boys' pants were half-off!

Q. What's the difference between Mr. Potato Head and Michael Jackson?
A. Michael Jackson has had more noses.

Q. What do Michael Jackson and a jockey have in common?
A. They both ride three year olds.

Q. What's the worst stain to try and remove from a little boy's underpants?
A. Michael Jackson's makeup.

Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A. One is plastic and harmful to children, the other is used to carry groceries.

Q. What does Michael Jackson consider a perfect 10?
A. Two 5 year olds.

Q. Why did Michael Jackson decide to have a boy of his own?
A. Because it's too expensive to rent them at $2 million a pop!

Q: What do Michael Jackson and a Big Mac have in common?
A: They're both 44 year old meat between 10 year old buns!

Q: What's black on the inside, white on the outside, and comes in little cans?
A: Michael Jackson!

Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Richard Pryor?
A. One got burnt doing Pepsi, the other got burnt doing coke.

Q: What was the foundation that Michael Jackson and Richard Pryor started?
A: The Ignited Negro College Fund!

Q: Why did Pepsi fire Michael Jackson?
A: Because he was caught sucking on a Squirt!!

Q. What does Michael Jackson reminisce about?
A. Blowing his first nose.

Q. Who is the greatest person ever?
A. Michael Jackson - he was born a poor black boy in Gary, Indiana and grew up to become a rich white woman in Europe.

Q. What did Elvis say after seeing Michael and Lisa Marie on television?
A. "Boy, that's a relief. I though she married a black guy!"

Q. What did Lisa-Marie Presley say to Michael Jackson when he proposed?
A. "Yes, I'll marry you. But promise me one thing -- no kids!"

Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley?
A. About two dress sizes.

Q. What was Michael Jackson thinking on his wedding night?
A. "Now Lisa-Marie can give me a little boy of my own."

Q. What were Lisa-Marie's newlywed complaints about Michael Jackson?
A1. He leaves the lid off the mascara, causing it to dry out.
A2. That battleaxe Liz Taylor never calls before she comes over.
A3. She suspects he's using her to get to Elvis' bones.
A4. He touches her kids more than he touches her.

Q. Why did Michael Jackson cross the road?
A. He saw someone blowing bubbles and thought he'd join in.

Q. Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?
A. He thought it was a delivery service.

Q: Why are Michael Jackson's pants so small?
A: Because they aren't his!

Q. How did Michael Jackson get in trouble?
A. He was feeling a little Randy.

Q. Why does Michael Jackson like children so much?
A. He knows how they feel.

Q. What did Michael Jackson say when he got back to Neverland Ranch from drug rehab?
A. You know, I feel like a new boy!

Q. How do we know Michael Jackson is guilty?
A. Several children have fingered him.

Q. Where does Michael Jackson go to find a date?
A. Boys 'R Us.

Q. Why is Michael Jackson so tough?
A. He can lick any kid on the block.

Knock Knock! Who's There?
Little boy blue! Little boy blue who?
Michael Jackson!

Michael Jackson was on a ship with 100 cub scouts when it hit an iceberg and started to sink. The captain announced, "We're sinking! Everyone abandon ship!"
Michael Jackson asked, "What about the children?"
The captain replied, "Screw the children!"
Michael Jackson looked around eagerly and said, "Do we have time?"

A little boy goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God a male or a female?"
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well, God is both a male and a female."
This confuses the little boy, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"
"Well, God is both black and white."
At this, the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks,
"Is Michael Jackson God?"

Michael Jackson asked his wife's doctor how soon after the birth could he have sex.
The doctor told him he should wait until the kid is at least 12 or 13 years old.

Did you know they're putting out a Michael Jackson stamp?
People get to vote for the white or black Michael Jackson.

*******************************

A drunk as usual arrives late at home and begins to yell: "Honey, open the door, I'm bringing flowers for the most beautiful woman in the world." The woman comes down running, opens the door and says: "So where are the flowers?" And the guy says: "So, then, where's the most beautiful woman?"

*******************************

I have wondered about this and now it is very clear!
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%...
How about achieving 103%?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
What makes up 100% in life?

If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26,

Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E = 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4 5 = 100%
.......And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T = 21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND,
look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G = 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While, Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, And, Attitude will get you there, Bullshit and Ass Kissing will put you over the top.
Unfortunately, this does prove to be true in society nowadays.

**************************

Man driving down road.
Woman driving up same road.
They pass each other Woman yells out window, "P I G !"
Man yells out window, " B I T C H! "
Man rounds next curve...
Crashes into a huge pig in middle of road.
Thought For The Day: If only men would listen.

**************************

In a bar, two guys:

-Gee, that blonde looks so awesome!
-Don't even think about that, man, she's a lesbian!

Nonetheless, the first guy approached her.

-Excuse me, sweetheart, could you lend me a match?
-Sure. Hey, listen. I've noticed you seem interested in me, so I've decided to grant you your wish. (Sexily) Would you like to see the wonderful legs of a woman?
-Well... sure.

She splits her skirt and shows him the most beautiful legs the guy's ever seen...

-Now, would you like to see some fabulous tits?
-Well, yes.

She opens her blouse and lets him see beautiful, rigid, turgent and tight breasts.

-Now, then (seductively!) would you like to smell the juicy cunt of a female in heat?

The guy cannot believe his luck. How come they told him she was a lesbian? He could not contain the erection any longer...

-Yes!

And then the blonde slowly approaches him... and breathes on his nose.

***********************

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court.
These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters-who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an Autopsy.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

My Age

find this weird game...
it's quite crappy but...
the weird thing is that...
I'm really 23...............






You Are 23 Years Old

23

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.




The web's most popular face...............

seen his face a lot of times..
almost in all forums...
anyone knows what's his name was...
and how old is he...

























ad